I’m often asked why I blog. Initially I stayed anonymous, but over time the anonymity began to dissipate and by now, most people who know me also know my blog. Occasionally, one will question why I write, why I allow myself to be so vulnerable by sharing my life so publicly. It didn’t begin this way. Initially I was attempting to write one of those funny mom blogs… but I was the only one who found them funny. One day I was struggling, and I wrote a piece that reflected that struggle. The response was overwhelming. People were commiserating with what I was writing, and it made me feel better. No, it made me feel fantastic.
As the blog progressed and my goals grew loftier, I often tried to find a unique spin on parenting topics- I mean, how else was I ever going to reach a million readers and launch myself into mommy blogger stardom?? I would write something and hand it over to my husband to critique, he would hand it back after correcting my horrendous grammar and exclaim that it’s ready for publishing.
“But what did you think of it?” I always pressed. His words said “great,” but his face said, “meh.”
“It was good. You know I think your best posts are the ones where you write about yourself and your struggles,” he would bravely respond.
And he was right; I would always connect the most with people when I wrote from the heart. You see, I’m not unique, I’m just like you. My voice is all of yours… just posted publicly to 1,700 people.
Like all of you, there are days where I’m Supermom! I’m totally rocking parenting—everyone is following directions; there are no major tantrums; we’re on time for most things; the kids are happy and smiling and so am I.
But, I also admittedly have horrendous parenting days where it seems like the Joker has swooped in and kicked Supermom’s new, larger, mom ass. It’s even accompanied by the crazy Joker perma-grin affixed to my face. I wear this to convincingly pretend that I’m not ready to run from my house screaming at any moment. Those are the days I wonder exactly what I was thinking when I agreed to let my husband touch me with his penis. I immediately flash to the moment, seven years ago, when I did the happy dance as I tossed my last package of birth control in the trash basket. Oh, right, like most of you, I asked for this.
Like so many of you the absolute best moments of my life (except for maybe my wedding day) are the moments I’m watching my children be happy and carefree. I never knew true, pure love until they were born and I wouldn’t give that feeling up for anything.
I’m not unique; I truly miss the days of spontaneous, uninterrupted alone time. I crave some time to myself that is not at midnight when everyone in the house is finally asleep. Sometimes I spend most of my day ignoring what they are doing and playing on my phone. I just need to escape for a while and not be present that day. If one of them is bleeding uncontrollably, of course, I’m right there. But seriously, go and pee by yourselves, I know you can do it.
I too struggle to find the balance between being Laura and being Mom, and blending the two is not as seamless as I thought it would be. I worry that I have lost myself, and if I try to find her, I am being a selfish and bad mom. I have to believe the struggle is even more significant when you are a working mom and have to wear the office hat and the mom hat—kudos to you ladies.
I, along with my lovely gym companions, constantly wonder if my body is ever going to return to its pre-baby figure. Once upon a time there was a woman who could walk around in public without a bra and eat foods other than lettuce without causing her to bloat and still look pregnant.
I have come to rely on the circle of moms whom I am lucky to call my friends. I have lifelong friends that I will forever cherish; however, there is something special about mom friends. Parenting can be a lonely, isolating job, and having a person who can truly understand my day to day life has become vital to my happiness. This is especially important when parenting a child with special needs. Not many people “get it” like those that are in the trenches right along with you.
I am like every mom who just wants her children to grow up happy and healthy.
I am like every mom who looks at her children and is just floored by the fact that she created such angelic beings, that they came from her!
I am like every mom who sucks at crafts and just didn’t sign up for this crap when they popped out a kid.
I am like every mom who wants to provide her children with a loving and nurturing home.
I am like every mom who would rather gouge her eyes out then hear one more thing about Minecraft.
I am like every mom who brims with pride when her child accomplishes a feat.
I am like every mom whose heart breaks when her children are sad or disappointed.
I am like every mom who sprints from her house screaming “freeeeedom” when the door shuts behind her for a coveted date night with her husband.
I am like every mom who feels overwhelmed and just wants to give up sometimes.
I am like every mom who has let her kids eat popcorn for dinner because the eating struggle is real, people!
I am like every mom who does the best that she can.
I’m not unique; I am like every mom…
I am like you…