Working Moms Versus Stay At Home Moms: Who Wins?

A friend and fellow SAHM sent me an article recently. I believe she even pulled off the road so she could text me to tell me how much it had frustrated her. In summation, the article was a study of the children of working moms and it found that their daughters are more likely to become CEO’s and their sons grow up to be more caring and compassionate people than their SAHM counterparts. It wasn’t particularly opinionated, just relaying basic information to the masses. I understand that with more moms in the workforce these studies are cropping up to measure long term outcomes for children with two parents working outside of the household. Yet, at the same time, I really don’t understand the purpose of these studies. They seem to want to measure the success of one type of parenting versus another. When did it become working moms versus SAHM’s?

It’s 2015; parenting and maintaining a household is drastically different then it was in 1950. Then, a mother going to work was taboo. Today, there are more factors than ever before that have to go into making the decision about whether mom heads back to work. But now, to some, it seems as though choosing to be a SAHM has become taboo in a way as well.

Mom's job in 1950

Mom’s job in 1950

Families make decisions based on a variety of reasons. Some moms want to work; they are happier and better parents if they are not with their children 24/7. Some moms have to work; they need to help contribute to familial expenses. Some moms get to stay home, they want to, they can, it doesn’t make any financial difference if they return to work, etc. Guess what, I don’t really care. It’s none of my business what their choices are and why they have made them. What’s best for me and my family is not what’s best for my neighbors, for the family down the street or across the one across the country.

Social media has allowed women to pit themselves against one another; it almost seems like the articles that are the most biased and one sided go viral immediately. It gives every mom, and lots of dads, the opportunity to draw a line in the sand, comment, share, and finally take a side. There are no sides, we are all parents.

“I’m better because I stay at home with my children!!”

“No, I’m better because I show my family that mom and dad can be equal in the workforce and contribute to society.”

Actually, we’re really all the same and here is how:

All of us, every single one, want what’s best for our children. We all want them to grow up healthy and happy.

We all feel guilty. Someone working might feel guilty that they don’t get to see their kids a lot during the week. Someone staying at home might feel guilty about not wanting to play with the Magnatiles, again, for the hundredth time.

We all work hard. I am both mentally and physically drained at the end of my days. I bet the lawyer, doctor, and teacher in my neighborhood are as well.

We all crave alone time or special time with our husbands or significant others. Happiness within the couple is synonymous with happiness in the home.

We all worry if our choices are the right ones. Am I not there enough? Am I there too much?

We are all responsible. Responsible for these little lives we have created, for the household we maintain, for the job we do outside of the home, for our own individual happiness and success. No one mom is more responsible for her children then another. I don’t care who picks that sick kid up from school – mom is the one getting them medicine and snuggling with them in the middle of the night.

There are no sides, this is not a debate, and we are all moms. In the eyes of the children looking back at us, we are all equal. We are each other’s biggest ally; we should be building each other up, not tearing each other down.

3 thoughts on “Working Moms Versus Stay At Home Moms: Who Wins?

  1. Amen. To each their own. I worked for awhile, after becoming a parent it was hard for me. I felt like someone else was raising my child. It was this and other factors that eventually led me to the decision to quit and stay at home. I admire woman that can work and be mom’s. Being a mom is a lot of work in itself. These “studies” that they do are from where? What scientist? What institution? What people did they study? There is no way to measure what was the cause for the success or failure of these people. There are a lot more factors that influence people than whether or not their mom worked outside the home or within. How would they know what people were more caring? Did they ask some question and say “oh that answer was more caring.”? That would be an opinion not a study. And to these thousands of female CEO’S that it implies did they say “let me survey you and can I ask your mom questions too?” Doubtful. Or did anyone actually do any research or did they just google things. Lol. Probably. What percentage of people are CEO’S in the 1st place? And you could be a CEO of anything. You could be the CEO, CFO, president or whatever you want because you are the only person that works for your business of selling paintings of cats in sweaters. It doesn’t matter. People that write those articles have nothing better to do than think of ways to make them feel better about themselves and try to make others feel bad about themselves. I try not to pay attention to it but it’s hard and frustrating. We should all just try to be the best us we can. What ever way you are the best, you do it. Whether that is stay at home mom you or working mom you. Don’t let others make you feel bad for being you.

    • Yes!!!! I have an entire list of factors that they did not consider in these “studies”. They don’t even consider how genetics plays a role; a mom CEO clearly has organizational skills, is highly motivated, etc. which makes it more likely their children will be as well. And as for more compassionate sons that are willing to “do more chores around the house”, well, tell your husband to model that behavior whether you work or not and that is no longer a factor.
      Sounds beyond cheesy, but why can’t we all just get along and leave each other be.

    • Oh, and one more thing; totally agree about measuring success. My son has possible ADHD or SPD or both and will need a one on one for certain situations in Kindergarten this Fall. A one on one is pretty unheard of in K in my state/school district and I got him one. I advocated properly and got him exactly what he needed despite the odds. If that’s not “success” then I don’t know what is.

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