National Lampoon’s Swimming Vacation

So, the family went for a swim lesson.


Man's first lesson a few weeks ago on vacation.  This was the moment we knew he was ready.

Man’s first lesson a few weeks ago on vacation. This was the moment we knew he was ready.

Man has not been the easiest child to get into the water.  Well, to get his face and head into the water.  So when it seemed like he was really getting better at it, I jumped and signed both kids up for lessons.  Aside from one previous lesson, today’s was the first with a potential teacher who could work with them for years.  I was super psyched that they were super psyched.

We locked our clothes in a locker that had an electronic key code. Man and I figured out a great code together –3698, he was so proud.  I watched as he pressed in the code joyfully. We walked gleefully, all of us super duper psyched, and it began:

Man gets into the water.

Man goes under the water for 1/5 of a millisecond.

Man freaks out and wants to get out, completely ending the lesson before it had really begun.

As he starts climbing out, his little wet body crying for mommy’s arms, the teacher suggests he stay in and maybe I, you know, leave the area for a bit.

I completely respect this. I leave.  Outwardly, though spectators would likely say differently, I feel like I’m cool, calm, and collected.  Inwardly, I’m no longer super duper psyched, but have worked myself up into fearful mommy.  I hate fearful mommy, and I rarely let her out, but swimming turns me into a (really awesome army) helicopter mom.

I don’t hear any more crying, so I relax.  Lol, actually, I pace up and down the hall until there are only three minutes left in the lesson.

Man is happily swimming and learning.  I am again super duper psyched.

The kids play with friends in the kiddie area until it’s time to go.

Lady does not want to leave.  She demonstrates her protest by removing her bathing suit and tossing it into the pool.

Pool staff starts swarming in and ushering her out of the pool.  There is absolutely no nakedness allowed in the pool.  (You can, however, take one of those foam noodle things and use it to spit water at people, as Man had been doing.  Go figure.)

Semi-wrapped and both shivering we usher ourselves back into the locker room.  I unlock our cabinet, turn around to pick up my naked and dripping Lady, and Man relocks the cabinet with a new, not previously agreed upon code.

Thank god my friend was there and was able to go get a staff member, because the other option was taking them home in jackets (we live less than 3 min away), dropping them with my husband who happened to be at home sick, and then going back for the locker.

Traipsing them around the gym naked while I hunted for a staff member was NOT an option.

So here we are, locker opened, kids getting dressed.  Lady is excessively brushing her hair and getting a blow out with a friend.  Man has shoved open the door of another locker from the inside, revealing that he now has his shirt on his bottom and his pants on his head.  “It’s funny, mom, right?” Only in hindsight, my sweet, frustratingly delicious Man.

Oddly enough, ultimately, the lesson went rather well.  Man learned that he can be fearful, without letting it stop him from doing the things that scare him.  If he never learns to swim, I’d be happy knowing that he came away with such an important message.  No, that’s just not true, I really think he needs to learn to swim, not Michael Phelps swim, but feel safe in and around water.  Plus, I’m super duper psyched that he is managing fearful situations with more courage than I’ve seen before.  As for Lady, I’m taking bets on how long it takes for her to get herself thrown out of the pool for good.

Still fully suited up.  She took her clothes off after this lesson too... I should have anticipated what was coming today.

Still fully suited up. She took her clothes off after this lesson too… I should have anticipated what was coming today.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s