Tough Conversations With Children

I recently read a blog in which a mom was concerned about what her answers would be when her kids were old enough to start asking if she had ever tried drugs.  This is an important topic that many parents will have to think about; I know my husband and I have discussed our potential answers to this dangerous question.

It conjures up images of that public service announcement in the 80’s when the dad finds drugs in his teenager’s closet and asks where he learned to do such a thing, “I learned it by watching you!!” the kid screams.  And then that troublesome tag line, “Parents who do drugs have kids who do drugs.”  When we were ten years old we saw it and understood that drugs were bad, but by the time we were 16 we just laughed when it came on.  Now that we are in our thirties its relevance hits home.

This is an important question that every family will have to address at one point in their child’s upbringing, even if the answer is a plain and simple, “No”.  However, there are other burning questions that certain parents will have to provide answers for as well.

For instance, how will Mark Wahlberg, aka Marky Mark, explain the song “Good Vibrations” to his four children?  One day, they will inevitably be in their car jamming to the 90’s station and hear this song come on. “I wanna see sweat comin’ out your pores!” will be blasting throughout the car.  Marky will have to let them know that he is, in fact, the mastermind behind this awesomeness.  He’ll have to explain that their dad, who for the most part makes pretty good movies, once tried to be a rapper.

How will Nicole Kidman explain to Sunday (and the other one) her relationship with Tom Cruise?  She will have to provide answers to questions like, “Mom, you were married to that idiot??”  More importantly, how will Katie Holmes explain to dear little Suri that she chose Tom to be the sperm for her egg?

One day, Tiger Woods is going to have to have to have a talk with Sam and Charlie and let them know that their dad sleeps in a different house because he decided to regularly have sex with A LOT of other women.  That’s going to be a tough one, Tiger!  This also goes for pretty much every single politician as well (and most Hollywood celebrities for that matter).

Francis Bean, daughter of the late Kurt Cobain and the current Courtney Love clearly did not like the explanations her mother provided about… well, everything.  Still in her teenage years, she emancipated herself and now at 19 is engaged and living in her own multimillion-dollar mansion in L.A.

They are all grown up now, but I bet at one point, despite who he is today, Tom Hanks had to sit down and chat with his kids about his choice to take roles in movies like Turner and Hooch and Joe Versus the Volcano.  Not to mention his stint as a cross dresser in the sitcom Bosom Buddies.

Speaking of cross dressing, we all remember the Eddie Murphy drag queen hooker scandal, don’t we??  That will certainly be a rough conversation for both dad and kids.  I would love to be a fly on the wall for that one!

Hank Baskett IV will undoubtedly be thumbing through his dad’s old Playboys one day when he finds himself face to face with his mom’s naked body. This will surely scar him for life.  Mom will also have to let him know that she was once one of Hef’s many live-in girlfriends before she settled down (and by that point probably divorced) with his dad, Hank Baskett III.

Poor Blue Ivy Knowles Carter; her parents will have to make her feel better when she reads all about how her own birth caused such scandal and havoc for so many families.  On the flip side, the other babies born that week will probably say things like “My parents were not allowed to see me in the NICU because Blue Ivy and I were in the hospital at the same time!  How cool is that??”

So, as we can see, there are an endless amount of topics we will have to provide explanations for, drugs only being one of them.  In addition to drug use, I dread explaining to my kids things like my love of tween television and fast food.

What topics will you dread discussing with your babies as once they get older?

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