Pregnancy, I’m On Top Of It!!

I made it very clear that pregnancy was harder this time around.  I gave a list of reasons that actually had to be shortened so people would not think that I was completely miserable.  But there are positives to pregnancy as well.

Pregnancy; I’m on top of it, and this is why:

Prenatal Vitamins are amazing!!  I look around and people are sneezing and sniffling, noses are running; lungs are being hacked up.  It’s winter and people get sick in winter.  Not me!!!  I am as healthy as a horse because I’m jacked up on prenatal vitamins.  I pop these puppies and they give my immune system a fabulous boost… it’s the only high I’m getting these days.

In addition to strengthening my immune system, they make my hair and nails gorgeeeeous!  I was born with ugly, fat, boy nails.  I am also a lifelong nail biter which makes them even yuckier.  But now, because of prenatal vitamins, I have strong, healthy nails.  And those exact adjectives can be used to describe my hair as well.  I have always had pretty good hair, but after the birth of Man it started to get thinner—something I thought wouldn’t happen until I was at least 70.  Now, with the vitamins, it’s full, lustrous, and shiny!!!  I can keep it curly or straighten it and it looks AMAZEBALLS!!!  Well, most of time anyway… the lack of showering doesn’t exactly help, but you get the point.

 

I have a built- in excuse (literally) for LOTS of things:

Me: “Jord, Jord, Jord, Jord?  Can you come here?”

Husband: “What is it?” (He comes trudging up three flights of steps)

Me: “Can you bend over and get the remote for me?  It’s getting hard to bend.”  (I am pointing at the remote on the floor right at my feet.)

 

Husband: “Honey did you pick up the dry cleaning today?”

Me: “No, I’m tired and pregnant!”

And when I do get around to picking up the dry cleaning I now pull up right outside of the store and sit idly in the “no parking” zone while the owner of the shop brings the clothes out for me.  Normally I would NEVER dream of doing this but it’s hard to carry Man, dry cleaning, and Lady belly across a big parking lot.

 

Husband: “Honey, did you make dinner tonight?”

Me: “No, I’m tired and pregnant!”

And at the end of the day when we choose what to order I get top choice.  Why?  Because I’m pregnant!!  If I do cook, I certainly don’t clean up.  I also always get the last bite of dessert!  Why?  You know why!!

 

Husband: “Honey, are you cranky and bitchy for a reason?”

Me: “YES, I’M TIRED AND PREGNANT!”

Husband: “Oh, ok…  I’m just going to go back downstairs now.”

 

As I mentioned before, I always get the last bite of dessert… and I ALWAYS eat dessert:  Yes, being pregnant means that I get to eat pretty much what I want.  It’s not like I go out and eat fast food for lunch every day, but if I want a slice of pizza or a sausage biscuit you can be sure as hell that I have it without thinking twice.  Yes, this contributes to my feeling like an Orca, but at this point, I have no need for vegetables and salads.  They just don’t serve any purpose in my pregnancy lifestyle.  I know what dieting after a baby is like, I will have PLENTY of salad soon enough!!  So for now, I’m going to stick with all of those foods that I will give up in a few months, especially the big bowl of ice cream every night… and sometimes during the day.

Maybe if I am lucky I will be able to strike a $4 million deal with Weight Watchers to lose the weight like Jessica Simpson has.  She definitely needs that deal though, have you seen her lately??

 

I find it a lot easier to say “yes” and “no”:  At this point if I don’t want to do something, I don’t!!  It’s much easier to just say “no” or in some cases “yes” even when I know I’m being outrageously demanding and insane.

Husband: “Maybe you should go take an extra nap today while I entertain Man.”

Me: “HELL YES!”

 

Husband: “Do you want me to pick up dinner on the way home from work?”

Me: “NO.  I want you to come home and play with Man until he goes to bed and then go back out to get dinner!”

 

But the very BEST thing about pregnancy is that I get to bring home my baby girl:  I have always wanted one of each and I have a feeling that we will be stopping at two children (a big indicator for that was when my husband suggested that I get my tubes tied during my scheduled C-section… but that’s a story for a different blog).  Now I have one of each and I feel alright with stopping.  I can’t wait to meet my Lady, hold her, and introduce her to Man.  I am so proud to be able to do this for my husband.

Pregnancy truly is a miracle that only women can understand.  I feel her every day inside of me; she is a part of me all of the time, and I am the only one that can bring her safely into this world.  That, in and of itself, is what makes all of the crap that pregnancy dishes out totally and completely worth it!

One thought on “Pregnancy, I’m On Top Of It!!

  1. I hated those prenatal vitamins. I can’t even count how many ended up in the toilet or sink because I had so much trouble swallowing them. Those things are freaking huge! And trying to swallow something that huge while I had all day morning sickness, not easy!

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